Dad's answers to questions:

C: Why does ice float?
D: Because it's cold. Ice wants to get warm, 
so it goes to the top of liquids to be nearer to the sun.
C: Is that true?
D: Look it up and find out.
C: I should just look up stuff in the first place.



C: Why do my eyes shut when I sneeze?
D: If your lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow your eyeballs out 
and stretch the optic nerve, so your eyes would flop around and you'd have to point 
them with your hands to see anything.



C: Dad, will you explain the theory of relativity to me? I don't understand 
why time goes slower at great speed.
D: It's because you keep changing time zones. See, if you fly to California, 
you gain three hours on a five-hour flight, right? So if you go at the speed 
of light, you gain more time, because it doesn't take as long to get there. 
Of course, the theory of relativity only works if you're going west.



C: How come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color film
back then?
D: Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs are in color. It's just that the world 
was black and white then. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, 
and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too.
C: But then why are old paintings in color?! If the world was black and white, 
wouldn't artists have painted it that way?
D: Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane.
C: But... But how could they have painted in color anyway? 
Wouldn't their paints have been shades of gray back then?
D: Of course, but they turned colors like everything else did in the '30s.
C: So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?
D: Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?



C: Why does the sun set?
D: It's because hot air rises. The sun's hot in the middle of the day, so it rises high 
in the sky. In the evening then, it cools down and sets.
C: Why does it go from east to west?
D: Solar wind.



C: Why does the sky turn red as the sun sets?
D: That's all the oxygen in the atmosphere catching fire.
C: Where does the sun go when it sets?
D:The sun sets in the west. In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff. That's why the rocks 
there are so red.
C: Don't the people get burned up?
D: No, the sun goes out as it sets. That's why it's dark at night.
C: Doesn't the sun crush the whole state as it lands?
D: Ha ha, of course not. Hold a quarter up. See, the sun's just about the same size.
C: I thought I read that the sun was really big.
D: You can't believe everything you read, I'm afraid.
C: So how does the sun rise in the East if it lands in Arizona every night?
D:Well, time for bed.



C: What causes the wind?
D: Trees sneezing.



C: Dad, where do babies come from? Is it true that a stork leaves them swaddled in a
 bundle on the front step?
D: In most cases, yes. But you were unceremoniously dropped down the chimney by a 
big, hairy pterodactyl
C: COOL!
D: Explains a lot, doesn't it?



C: How do bank machines work?
D: Well, let's say you want 25 dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the 
machine there's a guy with a printing press who makes the money and sticks it 
out this slot.
C: Sort of like the guy who lives up in our garage and opens the door?
D: Exactly.



C: Were there dinosaurs when you were a kid dad?
D: Oh sure, your grandfather and I used to put on leopard skins and hunt brontosaurus 
for all the rituals.
Mom (to Dad): Listen buster, I think Calvin's grades are bad enough already, don't you?



C: How come you know so much?
D: It's all in the book you get when you become a father.