Here are some silly C&H quotes I gathered up:


Calvin: Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying
I don't deserve it! 

Calvin: Who wouldn't be interested in everything we do?! 

Calvin: Reality continues to ruin my life. 

Calvin: What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants 
if nobody ever asks to see 'em? 

Calvin: They only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it. 

Hobbes: This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen... 

Tracer Bullet: My cigarette smoke mixed with the smoke of my .38. If business was 
as good as my aim, I'd be on Easy Street. Instead, I've got an office on 
49th Street and a nasty relationship with a string of collection agents.
Yeah, that's me, Tracer Bullet. I've got eight slugs in me.
One's lead, and the rest are bourbon.
The drink packs a wallop, and I pack a revolver. I'm a private eye.
Suddenly my door swung open, and in walked trouble. Brunette, as usual. 

Calvin: I wish I was a tiger.
Hobbes: A common lament. 

Calvin: But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! 
He demands sacrifice! 

Calvin: You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse! 

Susie: Our class voted Calvin the "Most likely to be seen on the news some day". 

Calvin: I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought 
to seriously re-examine your life. 

Hobbes:  No sport is less organized than Calvinball! 

Bill Watterson: I imagine it must be a great temptation to misuse 
one's parental authority for private jokes. 

Calvin: You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants
don't help. 

Calvin: Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something
completely pointless. 

Dad: It will build character. 

Hobbes: I like to say "quark"! Quark, quark, quark, quark! 

Calvin: I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't 
have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway. 

Calvin: It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool. 

Calvin: It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw. 

Hobbes: Did you ask your Mom if you could jump off the roof? 
Calvin: Questions I know the answers to I don't need to ask, right? 

Hobbes: I don't know which is worse, ...that everyone has his price, or that 
the price is always so low.

Calvin: I'm being educated against my will! My rights are being trampled! 
Hobbes: Is it a right to remain ignorant?
Calvin: I don't know, but I refuse to find out!

Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that
 the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, 
obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. 
With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! 

Calvin: Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery. 

Calvin: Twisted fiend! No four walls can hold Stupendous Man!
You've been foiled again, evil Mom-Lady! Ha ha ha!
Mom: Oh yeah?
Calvin: Great Zok! She's fixed her mind-scrambling eyeball ray on me! I'm suddenly
 filled with the desire to go back upstairs and do her nefarious bidding!
Mom: Glad to hear it. 

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize 
how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. 

Calvin: I've been thinking, Hobbes.
Hobbes: On a weekend?
Calvin: Well, it wasn't on purpose... 

Calvin: Why would she want another kid?? She's already got me!
Hobbes: Yes, you'd think she'd have learned her lesson... 

Calvin: Dad, how do people make babies?
Dad: Most people just go to Sears, buy the kit,
and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears??
Dad: No, you were a Blue Light Special at K Mart. Almost as good,
and a lot cheaper.